Filter

Suddenly thought of something..

I wonder what is behind all this bo jiu-ness and feeling left out..  I learnt that friends will stay, and friends who don't value you as friends which leads to all sorts of bo jiu-ness, leaving you out, are not called friends. It is a great filter anyway, to know who are your true friends and who are not. :)


:)

new song :)

曾经 熟悉的一个人
怎么不存在

别人 熟悉的两个人
怎么只有空白

不曾熟悉的那些人
被逼着 点头， 无奈

有时候，我只想做回自己。

只因为，我沉默
并不代表 我不理

我用沉默言语
你听不见 不代表
这样并不可以

这世界 谁用规则
捆绑 这情绪

有时候， 我只想做回自己。

词曲：卢业淇

想写这首歌的源头来自与最近的一些感想。。
曾经熟悉的一个人，怎么不存在：
是在我回想起小时候总是一个人，很自在地画画，埋在我的工作坊里，做手工，玩我爱玩的东西，一个人，从不觉得是件什么奇怪的事。

别人熟悉的两个人怎么只有空白
我似乎很不了解别人所想要有的爱情，怎么是一个陪伴的工具

不曾熟悉的那些人被逼着点头，无奈
感觉，有时候，明明就没有很外向，但因为社会总是觉得热情的人好一些，所以大家隐瞒了好多真实的自己，在人群中逼出了不真实的笑容。

只因为，我沉默

并不代表 我不理

我用沉默言语

你听不见 不代表

这样并不可以

很想反抗这样的逻辑，

个性文静，不是个罪

朋友不多，并不代表有问题

所以就这么写了

这世界 谁用规则

捆绑 这情绪

我倒很好奇是谁让外向的人成了模范生

变成看齐的对象

因为曾经记得，自己并不是很外向的人，直到如今，想说一个人，是否很奇怪。

所以也不知道，从什么时候开始，总觉得，要去多认识人，专做这些很不自然的事。

只想提醒自己，一个人无罪。 

Count-sir-link

It was heartbreaking.. the session yesterday afternoon.. This meet up with this lady.. Firstly, i felt that I wasnt being understood, often felt that she focused on things that are not my focus and reason to see her.. I felt that she didnt really "listen' to what I have to say.. but jump into conclusions whenever possible.. I felt misunderstood, judge, hurt and brought up unnecessary emotions that is just unresolved and left hanging over there.. I was really upset.. I went up to her for help.. but it pushed me further away from what I want to improve.. it only confirms my negative experience as she adds on to it. I am really upset with that.. Furthermore, I am being labeled as .. "coming from the world".. and so being "worldly".. yea.. true.. I am from the world.. I never expect to felt so condemned.. and when I started crying.. she said, have I talked about things you refuse to talk about.. was she listening? was she taking the time to know me? all I felt was I should be doing this and that.. its a struggle isnt it.. when all these things are not helping.. It really made me want to leave the church.. just leave.. I am tired.. Nonetheless, I know Christ died on the cross for my sins, and He loves me deeply.. He hears my cry and full of mercy and grace.. This experience i guess, makes me want to make that change, that change at least for the church? Thats why i must stay.. Be the change and not be passive about it.. I hope when i start my career next time, I would always remember this experience, and to remind myself not to let anyone feel judged and condemned.. because that's the worst violation of trust you can ever do to someone.. and i was there..



Matthew 9:13 But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

God is love. :)