往前冲不是生活的方式

这个假期。。 似乎在为别人而活。。 看似为别人，但其实，是自己的胆怯，使我停止了脚步。。很想做些什么。。很想。。看些什么。。生活的节奏。。好不搭哦。。
完美的梦想，怎么，
在这世界就完美不起来了呢？
破碎的希望，却一片一片地被捡起又弃。。
是我太得空了？
得空得用忙碌掩盖？
忙碌中又明白自己的不安，空虚。。
好想找到平衡的中心。。
总找不到。

烦

绿。

Devotion for the week

13/10/2012
Mark 12- 27: ²⁷ He is not the God of the dead, but of the living. You are badly mistaken!”

What does it mean to my life?
- That our God is a living God -
Eternity, our citizenship is in heaven.

15/10/2012

Mark 12- 28-29 .......“Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

²⁹ “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.^[e] 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’^[f] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[g] There is no commandment greater than these.”

What does it mean to my life?

-To love God first and love others-

Heart: Heart is the centre core of our body, to love Him with all our Heart is to place Him in the centre  

           of our being.

           Motivation behind the things we do, will be to obey His will, Obedience to Him is a reflection of 

           our hearts turning to Him (Will)

Soul: Affection- Emotions

         Strong's concordance defines it as: "a soul, living being, life, self, person, desire, passion, appetite,   

         emotion."

         http://www.cloquetchurch.com/loving-god-all-your-soul

         The choices you make.

Mind: Be transformed with the renewing of the mind, To renew our mind with the truth, with reality, 

          with what the bible says. 

          Bible Study, Reading Scriptures and Understanding it, Memorizing scripture, Believing in it   

          (Mind)

Strength: To be Passionate, All our energy be devoted in doing His good work, physically, mentally

               To live is Christ, to die it gain. Devoting every moment doing His good work. 

-Why love Him first?-

Because He is love

-Who is my neighbour?-

Everyone beside me is my neighbour.

For example - Tin, Wen, YT, Es, Fy, People in church, People I encounter everyday.

16/10/2012
Today is a day of prayer, through fasting and prayer, not only the reality of God, the truth in this life is being painted out, there is a inexplainable connection that happened when we prayed as a church together. 
I would like to jot this down as a reminder of how AWE some God is. How pure,  how Holy, how righteous and merciful. He IS Love. And how real this message that is presented in the bible is. So many times, we settled for less. I settled for less. When there is something greater and beyond our enjoyment and pleasure. God. God is most glorified when I'm most satisfied in Him. This is true. While praying together with other people, it is just amazing that how, even though we are different individuals, but as we pray, we seem to be one. Even though I don't even know them, I feel part of this family, as brothers and sisters in Christ. It's amazing that how, when I have the urge to pray for this for example the youth pastor, someone would prayed it out as if we can read each others mind, we are all praying the same thing. I was utterly shocked by what is going on in that small room. This doesn't just happened once but each time, when I am about to pray for something, someone else would have the same thoughts and minds. Amazing. We are ONE body in Christ. unspeakable. unexplainably amazing. And I don;t want to be ignorant in this, but God has shown me that how pure and clean He can make our relationship when we fix our eyes on Him, even when we are sinners. He has washed away our sins with His precious blood. This is an ultimate truth and an amazing one.

17/10/2012
Poem
Dear Lord, today is a day that is full of activities, but least of You.
Less in the prayerful heart,
and in the coming bac to Your truth.
Laziness, creeps in with slothfulness,
With contented, that is not in You.
Wow.. You have opened my eyes to see,
what great danger this can be.
A moment not spent with You,
is a moment less worth living.
For You alone are worthy O Lord,
You alone are God.
Replacing You can mean by anything,
From the way we think and the reason we sing.
From the way we talk to the navigations of our talk.
How far more our stubborn hearts can be away from You.
How far more our malices reject the hope in You.
Lord, as this prayer becomes a devotion, a poem, a song.
May You be the author and writer of this heart,
And You alone the centre of the Universe.

Romans 12: 9-13
Love must be sincere.
Hate what is evil, cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.
Honour one another above yourselves.
¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 
¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction,faithful in prayer. 
¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.Practice hospitality.

^^

其實， 坐在窗前，看著樹的擺動，有種難癮的幸福～

A taste of spice :)

Interestingly this has been kept in my draft for more than a year~ hahahz! thought it's still interesting to post it out~ :)

wow.. been quite some time since I last posted something on my blog. :) Time flies doesn't it? :D but yet, sometimes we find that it moves sooo slowly.. guess this is what is said: seeing it from a different perspective (from wicked" lolz!!!) :P oh well.. this morning, I went for grocery shopping in Coles after work, and we push the trolley back after asking for a worker's permission. So happily, we bring all the things home. When we reached home, something happened. Haiz.. once again, got scolded by uncle.. it was really really discouraging this time.. as always, he wud brought up the issue of : you are a christian, but you are not thinking as one. He scolded me for bringing the trolley back to the hostel, and said that if others saw it, they will report to the police and got a few thousand fine.. and they will blacklist the hostel etc. and he started talking about people smuggling durgs into some country or stg and got caught.. oh well. that's not his main point anyway. But what hurts me most is everytime he started to scold me for the things I did, he wud start saying: u'r a christian.. I felt the strong burden everytime he said that, but of what my friend says, filter it out. As I guess, it's just normal for people to have expectations of a Christian, and that expectation is expecting us to be holy and flawless. and every opportunity to find our faults is a way to prove to themselves that Christianity is not worth it. Following Christ is not worth it, u see! that person claims to be a Christian but did all these things etc etc. I admit that Christians do make mistakes and sometimes like me, made terrible mistakes, but it's because of our nature, our sinful nature, that made us realize that we need our Saviour more.

Being Christian doesn't mean u'r perfect, but it means that we are just normal human beings like anyone else, who have come to know the truth and have been graciously given a new life by Christ. There are many holes and loops in this sharing that might cause misunderstanding, but I pray that God will open up the eyes of the heart of anyone who reads this sharing and of anyone who reads the poem below. This is who Christians really are. I am sorry for the mistakes that sometimes we Christians made that hurt you but I do hope that this doesn't stop you from knowing and experiencing the true joy in life and I challenge you that when u hate Christian, what are you really hating?

When I Say "I Am A Christian"...

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

Reflections on the Concept of Self-Worth

October 15, 1976 | by John Piper | Topic: The Unwasted Life

What does the term “self worth” mean to you?

It means first a humanistic effort to solve man’s problems by helping him make peace with himself so that he ceases to be displeased with anything that is truly him. Since this is the overwhelming meaning of the term in our society, I find it unprofitable to use and I oppose it with a radically God-centered anthropology which aims to preserve a proper and profound appreciation for the mercy of God.


But if I am forced on certain texts like Matthew 6:26 (Luke 12:24) “You are of more value than the birds.” I will use the word worth or value and define it like this: man is valuable because he is created in the image of God and is therefore an expression of God's glory. Humans have value in that they unlike all the animals have the unique potential to consciously honor God by thanking him and relying on his mercy alone.

What is your concept of man’s depravity?

I believe that man apart from the regenerating work of God is totally depraved. That is, he is capable of no holy act or thought. Romans 14:23 says, “What is not of faith is sin.” Therefore the unbeliever only sins, even if he gives all his good to feed the poor and his body to be burned (1 Corinthians 13:3). Reason: good, value, worth, etc., can only be properly defined ultimately with reference to what honors God. Things done with no reference to God and from no trust in his mercy are not good. “There is no one who does good not even one!” (Romans 3:12).

What does it mean that man is in the image of God?


The imago dei is that about man which gives him the potential to be redemptively loved by God and to consciously depend in gratitude on God’s mercy. It is cited in unbelievers only in Genesis 9:6 (to justify capital punishment) and James 3:9 (where the implication is that we ought not curse man). It is not an important concept to the writers of Scripture, for they were not nearly so concerned as our age with what inheres in man. They were concerned not with who man was but rather whom he loved, obeyed, lived for. Man was fully man not when he fulfilled or expanded anything inherent in himself but when he ceased making claims for himself and took his refuge in God.

What significance should self-acceptance have for the Christian?


The closest biblical notion I can think of to “self-acceptance” is Paul’s statements that he can be content in all circumstances and that we should rejoice always. In the amoral sphere of looks, health, wealth, prestige, etc., God’s people should be content (Hebrews 13:5–6) and the specific ground for this contentment is the promise, “God will never leave you nor forsake you. . . What can man do to you?” In the moral sphere of character, i.e., how patient, humble, kind, generous, gentle, diligent we are, I see no room for self-acceptance until we are changed into the image of Jesus.


Our joy in this sphere comes not from self-acceptance but from our intense sense of the mercy of God accepting us into his fellowship. It is wrong to say: If God accepts me, I should accept myself. For God is against us in our sin and for us only in Christ. We should thus loathe our sinful self and magnify the mercy of Christ in whom alone we have acceptance and joy unspeakable.


John Murray, in his excellent book, Redemption Accomplished and Applied makes these pointed remarks:


Indeed the more sanctified the person is, the more conformed he is to the image of his Savior, the more he must recoil against every lack of conformity to the holiness of God. The deeper his apprehension of the majesty of God the greater the intensity of his love of God, the more persistent his yearning for the attainment of the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus, the more conscious will he be of the gravity of the sin which remains and the more poignant will be his detestation of it. (145)
What is your concept of man?


Man is a bodily creature (as distinct from angels) whom God made to image forth God’s own glory by thinking, feeling and acting in a way that befits one who is wholly dependent on God for everything. Man ceases to be wholly man when he does not walk in faith, i.e., when he does not glorify God by a life of reliance on God.

That is why it is almost impossible for me to use the term humanism, since the only true humanism is theocentric and thus is not a humanism at all in the usual sense of the word.

How does your concept of man reflect your concept of God?


God is the first and greatest of all beings, eternal and infinite in righteousness, power, wisdom, love. In the perfect and ineffable fellowship of the Trinity he is the most joyous of all beings. It is precisely his infinite fullness that gives rise to creation and redemption. He cannot be added to but only overflow and thus all his ways are just and merciful (Psalm 145:17). The nature of man then is that his being is the fruit of mercy since nothing of it is owing to himself. So man’s being should be realized in joyous contentment in the true love of God.

Given this concept, what do you say to the student overwhelmed with his lack of self-worth? What about the person who is kept from functioning as he should by his real or imagined “club-foot?”


If it is an imagined “club-foot,” you shatter the imagination so the person has a true self-assessment. If they are good in math and think they are bad, you may show them the evidence of their God-given skill and urge them to stop desecrating his gift by acting as if it is not there. In this way you change their mistake and you focus their attention on God and their duty to gratefully use his gift.


If it is a real “club-foot,” you distinguish between the moral and the a-moral.

With the a-moral you urge them to be content, because of the promises of God to give us a good future (Psalm 23:6; Jeremiah 32:40–42; Romans 8:28).


With the moral “club-foot” (i.e., sin) you do not want them to be content and you condone their sense of guilt and urge them to confess the sin and change, pointing them for relief and joy to God’s merciful forgiveness (1 John 1:9).

How do you help a student to achieve genuine self-knowledge?

Since the heart is deceitful above all things, one can’t be left to mere introspection. And ultimately true self-knowledge can only come by divine revelation because true God-knowledge can only come by divine revelation. My own means of assisting self-knowledge is thus to assist God-knowledge, i.e., to teach theology and biblical exegesis and to strive to do it in such a way that the reality of God really impinges on the students’ heart and mind revealing his inmost thoughts and attitudes.

How do students become content so that they can be free for others?


The way a student comes to be content with the limitations in which God has put him is by coming to trust his Father’s wise and merciful bestowment more than he trusts the radio and T.V., which claim he can’t be happy unless he experiences X number of pleasures — fame, beauty, power, wealth, intelligence, etc. To be sad because one lacks these things is a mark of unbelief, because joy and peace come through believing that God is forging for us a better future than Madison Avenue can.


Therefore, the path to contentment is only through faith: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing” (Romans 15:13). When we are thus at peace we are in a position where we do not have to “seek our own” (1 Corinthians 13:5); that is, we are in a position to love. (See the relation between hope and love in Colossians 1:4–5.)

Dum Dums

by Christine Hoover | March 26, 2012

My bank teller must be a dad.


Every time I go to the bank, he gives my children the exact same colored lollipops. I’ve never asked him to do this, but, without fail, he digs through the lollipop basket until he finds a matching set of Dum Dum lollipops.


He must be a dad because he knows about the fight he is saving me. The one where each of my boys are eyeing the lollipops they don't have rather than enjoying the one they do. The one where they whine for their favorite color. The one in which they are not satisfied until they have what their sibling has.


As I drive away from the bank’s drive-through window, I inwardly thank this man, and I think about this picture of human jealousy: envious, controlling, domineering, possessive, and self-focused.


God is a Dad, but he is not like my bank teller.


He gives lollipops out to everyone, but he does not give them equally or similarly. He gives them perfectly, however, and until we trust that, we’ll be dissatisfied with what we’ve been given.


As a Father, God knows his kids’ tendency to want what their siblings have. It's hard not wanting the bright pink lollipop when we’re given the brown one. But unlike our spiteful jealousy, God’s jealousy for us says, “I absolutely know what is best for you and I want you to have it. Because I love you, I will not give you anything less than my best. However, what I give you is going to be different than what I give that person you are comparing yourself to.” He lifts our eyes up to him and away from watching others and reminds us that he has perfectly and strategically given us our gifts, talents, and ministries.


Romans 8:28 reminds us that God is always working things for good on our behalf:


“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”


“What a power would be unleashed in your life and mind if we really believed that the almighty God, whose counsel cannot be frustrated, is this very minute, busily at work making sure that what happens to us this afternoon and tomorrow at home and at work is only what is best for us!" (Source)

Letter to an incomplete, insecure teenager by John Piper

Four years ago a teenager in our church wrote to me for advice about life in general, and identity in particular. Here is what I wrote, with a big dose of autobiography for illustration.


Dear ________,


My experience of coming out of an introverted, insecure, guilty, lustful, self-absorbed adolescent life was more like the emergence of a frog from a tadpole than a butterfly from a larva.


Larvae disappear into their cocoons and privately experience some inexplicable transformation with no one watching (it is probably quite messy in there) and then the cocoon comes off and everyone says oooo, ahhh, beautiful. It did not happen like that for me.


Frogs are born teeny-weeny, fish-like, slimy, back-water-dwellers. They are not on display at Sea World. They might be in some ritzy hotel's swimming pool if the place has been abandoned for 20 years and there's only a foot of green water in the deep end.


But little by little, because they are holy frogs by predestination and by spiritual DNA (new birth), they swim around in the green water and start to look more and more like frogs.


First, little feet come out on their side. Weird. At this stage nobody asks them to give a testimony at an Athletes in Action banquet.


Then a couple more legs. Then a humped back. The fish in the pond have already pulled back: "Hmmm," they say, "this does not look like one of us any more." A half-developed frog fits nowhere.


But God is good. He has his plan and it is not to make this metamorphosis easy. Just certain. There are a thousand lessons to be learned in the process. Nothing is wasted. Life is not on hold waiting for the great coming-out. That's what larvae do in the cocoon. But frogs are public all the way though the foolishness of change.


I think the key for me was finding help in the Apostle Paul and C. S. Lewis and my father, all of whom seemed incredibly healthy, precisely because they were so absolutely amazed at everything but themselves.


They showed me that the highest mental health is not liking myself but being joyfully interested in everything but myself. They were the type of people who were so amazed that people had noses—not strange noses, just noses—that walking down any busy street was like a trip to the zoo. O yes, they themselves had noses, but they couldn’t see their own. And why would they want to? Look at all these noses they are free to look at! Amazing.


The capacity of these men for amazement was huge. I marveled and I prayed that I would stop wasting so much time and so much emotional energy thinking about myself. Yuk, I thought. What am I doing? Why should I care what people think about me. I am loved byGod Almighty and he is making a bona fide high-hopping frog out of me.


The most important text on my emergent frogishness became 2 Corinthians 3:18 —


And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.


This was one of the greatest secrets I ever discovered: Beholding is becoming.


Introspection must give way to amazement at glory. When it does, becoming happens. If there is any key to maturity it is that. Behold your God in Jesus Christ. Then you will make progress from tadpole to frog. That was a great discovery.


Granted, (so I thought) I will never be able to speak in front of a group, since I am so nervous. And I may never be married, because I have too many pimples. Wheaton girls scare the bejeebies out of me. But God has me in his hand (Philippians 3:12) and he has a plan and it is good and there is a world, seen and unseen, out there to be known and to be amazed at—why would I ruin my life by thinking about myself so much?


Thank God for Paul and Lewis and my dad! It’s all so obvious now. Self is simply too small to satisfy the exploding longings of my heart. I wanted to taste and see something great and wonderful and beautiful and eternal.


It started with seeing nature and ended with seeing God. It started in literature, and ended in Romans and Psalms. It started with walks through the grass and woods and lagoons, and ended in walks through the high plains of theology. Not that nature and literature and grass and woods and lagoons disappeared, but they became more obviously copies and pointers.

The heavens are telling the glory of God. When you move from heavens to the glory of God, the heavens don’t cease to be glorious. But they are un-deified, when you discover what they are saying. They are pointing. “You make the going out of the morning and the evening to shout for joy” (Psalm 65:8).


What are the sunrise and sunset shouting about so happily? Their Maker! They are beckoning us to join them. But if I am grunting about the zit on my nose, I won’t even look out the window.


So my advice is: be patient with the way God has planned for you to become a very happy, belly-bumping frog. Don’t settle for being a tadpole or a weird half-frog. But don’t be surprised at the weirdness and slowness of the process either.


How did I become a preacher? How did I get married? God only knows. Incredible. So too will your emergence into what you will be at 34 be incredible. Just stay the course and look. Look, look. There is so much to see. The Bible is inexhaustible. Mainly look there. The other book of God, the unauthoritative one—nature—is also inexhaustible. Look. Look. Look. Beholding the glory of the Lord we are being changed.


I love you and believe God has great froggy things for you. Don’t worry about being only a high-hopping Christlike frog. Your joy comes from what you see.


Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.


There is another metamorphosis awaiting. It just gets better and better. God is infinite. So there will always be more of his glory for a finite mind to see. There will be no boredom in eternity.


Affectionately,


Pastor John

突然好想勇敢地去保护生命中很重要的东西。

我们的人生，本来就不该为自己而活。
多少的谎言，多少的蒙骗
把这完美的事实，就这样
一抹而去

伤痛，自私，执留，悲伤
这一套的方式把我们套地牢牢的，
无法自拔，无法喘气。

或许，并没有或许，
抬起头，看看周围，看看世界，
“美”，就在你身边！

不是完美的美，但也可能成为完美
不是世俗的爱，因为那并不完美。
而是仰望天空，
心，敞开的那一刹那，
美与爱的存在。
完美的美，完美的爱，
因为上帝与你同在。

:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToerXrbhVbk&feature=share

你说呢？

小时候总不明白的一种放不开，原来是长大后的一种释怀。

keep and share.

Just wanna list down the things that I read recently that have greatly blessed me. :)

C.S. Lewis Quotes from the anthology of C.S. Lewis

I conclude, then, that logic is a real insight into the way in which real things have to exist. In other words, the laws of thought are also the laws of things. (p. 41)

When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up. (p. 32)

Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable. How many hours are there in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask—half of our great theological and metaphysical problems—are like that… (p. 61) 

(hahahz! find this really funny~)


We need to forgive our brother seventy times seven not only for 490 offenses, but for one offense. (p. 145)

The glory of God, and, as our only means to glorify him, the salvation of human souls, is the real business of life. (p. 129)


All that is not eternal is eternally out of date. (p. 252)

 http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/articles/book-review-a-mind-awake-an-anthology-of-c-s-lewis


 Something regarding frienship :)

http://www.duwenzhang.com/wenzhang/youqingwenzhang/20070808/621.html

And Something I really want to read every day! :)

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/10-resolutions-for-mental-health--2

10 Resolutions for Mental Health

1. At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me.

2. Instead of the accustomed idea of a mindless and endless evolutionary change to which we can neither add nor subtract, I shall suppose the universe guided by an Intelligence which, as Aristotle said of Greek drama, requires a beginning, a middle, and an end.

I think this will save me from the cynicism expressed by Bertrand Russell before his death when he said: "There is darkness without, and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendor, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing."

3. I shall not fall into the falsehood that this day, or any day, is merely another ambiguous and plodding twenty-four hours, but rather a unique event, filled, if I so wish, with worthy potentialities.
I shall not be fool enough to suppose that trouble and pain are wholly evil parentheses in my existence, but just as likely ladders to be climbed toward moral and spiritual manhood.

4. I shall not turn my life into a thin, straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.

6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their "divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic" existence.

7. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the "child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder."

8. I shall follow Darwin's advice and turn frequently to imaginative things such as good literature and good music, preferably, as Lewis suggests, an old book and timeless music.

9. I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, "fulfill the moment as the moment." I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is now.

10. Even if I turn out to be wrong, I shall bet my life on the assumption that this world is not idiotic, neither run by an absentee landlord, but that today, this very day, some stroke is being added to the cosmic canvas that in due course I shall understand with joy as a stroke made by the architect who calls himself Alpha and Omega. 

嘻。请问。。你。是。谁？

好像是好久好久开始，就学会了。想做最真实的自己，却来回-徘徊。根本摸不着嘛。
什么样的艺术，什么样的个性。什么样的星座，什么样的态度。大家，似乎在寻找着。想要发现这奥妙的艺术品。啊，不就是我们么。

但，当发现了什么的时候，却又害怕了。怕，是否不一样。不一样了是否，又一样。真搞笑。啧。无聊。

。。。（真的。。无聊么..) 。。。

我们不就是那神秘的艺术品吗？那高尚的，那持久的。
那为创作者，可厉害咯！

就这样。
              发现。
                        不断询问“他”，不断跟他走。


他，会带你，我，走最美丽的路程，最奥妙的旅途。奇妙吧！


期待着。

或许。

或许有那么一点点的在乎。在乎那段我抹不掉的过去。在乎那灰色的笑容。或许，也许。就那么一点点在乎，那回不去的过去，那看不见的一片云。

过去

每一个人，都有一段过去。。是好是坏，或许只能由那个人决定。。会怀念，会想念。或许只有尊重，与爱，才能，共同面对那未知的过去。

勇气

突然好想勇敢地去保护生命中很重要的东西。。不想再轻易逃避。

more writing...

In this world, everyone is trying to be something other than their selves...

Just came back from an exam and after three hours of writing, yes. more writing.
While walking back from uni, my mind was just full of joyful thoughts, felt so content, so happy, so satisfied as I reflect upon the journey God has brought me through. I am grateful that my parents did not stop me from doing music, I am grateful that how that night, God has placed this thing in my heart to wake up and not give up on a dream, that seems so far fetch. He definitely knows me better than I do, so much more. Music studies is just the perfect spot to put me in. This semester I am so grateful for the things music studies subject that I took. In the exam hall just now, I couldn't simply express the joy of writing so much in an exam paper. Three hours of full blown writing, and I am enjoying every single bit of it. Hard to imagine eh,when the setting is in an exam hall. Where students are suppose to stress out, when fears are suppose to overwhelm. How blessed I am to not only be able to write my paper peacefully but to actually enjoy every single stroke that I wrote on it. Because of this, I grow to love words, and now, to add to the joy, I am writing about music, something that I love, and I enjoy. What privilege it is and that made me wanna take up writing a bit more seriously, so that I can flow naturally and express my love in ways that are not limiting and use words to colour the picture of music as much as I can.

While walking back, looking at the trees on the side of the field, it makes me see through the vastness of this world, and not to contain within my own world. If only I spend a little bit more time and attention to things around me, if only I can accept myself as a part of this beautiful picture and if only I could see others a little more, how beautiful this world can be. What a majestic piece of art! Every single person, every single bit of this world.

Oh well, time to get back to reality and off to an unknown world again! adios!

:)

My journey in music studies

I couldn't express any better the feeling of sitting in the music library, listening to various interesting music and studying music for my exams. What luxury do I have as a student. Studying music has always been my dream, and even though I know, I am far from being an expert, far from being a musician, God has given me this opportunity to study something that made my heartbeat so fast, my blood all pumped up, feeling excited just looking through the article, excited about what is coming up in the next line of the article. Feeling discouraged as I am not a top student in music, definitely not, studying music has become a dream that is so far fetched. I couldn't have believed that right now, I am actually studying it for my exams. This is way too exciting. Even though I am not a professional, and i know how greatly blessed I am to be able to just study something that I am passionate about, studying music has definitely helped to discover and accept myself. Well, at least for a start, I know now that I am not the only weird one out there with weird ideas and appreciation for art, not the say the weird taste for music. lolz! Coming to an end of my bachelor degree, I realize that it has been so fruitful and fulfilling. So colourful in this mysterious journey that is slowly being revealed. But one thing for sure that I think uni taught me, is the importance of language. And right now as I am studying for my next exam, through reading the articles, it really made me to think twice that I should in fact take language a bit more seriously, as it is just so amazingly wonderful, the joy u can have by uncovering what is inside each word, and the amazement of being able to share wonderful things in life through the power of language and proper use of words. This is an art itself, and it definitely is not disconnected from other forms of art. I love music, I love art. and now, I think I love langauge. What more? :) As I realize, art that brings us closer to God unleashes its beauty more than ever before. They are keys, they are tools, to the wonders of God but they are a miracle themselves as how God has created them.   

I guess, at this very point, I just want to shout out ; I LOVE MY COURSE!!! :D MUSIC ROX!!!! :D  

Short hair!

Wuh!! finally! I cut my hair! yes, it's short now! This is a reminder to self. This month, I need to learn to accept myself for who I am, good or bad, everything. Just accept. Therefore, there's this plan:

1. Wear contact lens for at least a month. why?: to learn to accept myself (or more like my face). lolz!! be it good or bad, pretty or ugly, whatever others say."hey, u look better with glasses or hey, u look better without glasses or why sudd so conscious, whatever comments" Just accept who I am, and enjoy how God has created me, and my features. There are many other pretty girls out there, and I need to accept that this is who I am, and to know that everyone is special and different and beautiful in their own way. So am I. :)

2. Short hair. To learn to accept myself despite my outer appearance or any circumstances. To let go of the desire to please others.

This is going to be a process of learning to be humble, yet building up my identity. To learn to embrace other people's beauty, to learn to embrace my weaknesses and strength, to learn to embrace failure, to learn to celebrate others successes. To learn to forgive. To learn to love.

Jia you loo ye qi! :D

A reminder to self. :))

"You can enjoy this same freedom in your own life. Living in freedom—and allowing others to do the same—is a healthy and positive approach to life that pleases God.

We must also learn that we can be extraordinarily happy while living an ordinary, everyday life. Expecting life to be one long series of exciting events is setting yourself up for disappointment—and that’ll steal your joy! So learn to be content with life as it is.

With God's help and your determination, you can learn to be happy and enjoy every single day of your God-given life. Start your days by saying, "This is the day the Lord has made. I willrejoice and be glad in it. Good morning, Lord!"" - Joyce Myer.

my holiday review 2012

And so, this marks the end of my holiday. :) well, technically I still have one more week, but school reopens next week. ah.. with a heavy heart I am finally gonna do a review of this summer holiday.

So here it goes...

It started of with me landing in Kuala Lumpur Malaysia. When the pilot announced:" to all visitors, welcome to Malaysia, to all Malaysians, welcome home :')." My, although it has been three months since then, I still feel the goosebumps that I got from that. Such a warm fuzzy feeling. :) After that, I stayed at jie jie's place for a week~ awh.. it's good catching up with them, just so relaxing~ but i remembered that I was reading this book:"Living Beyond your feelings" by Joyce Myer. There's an important finding that is found that is mentioned in the book. which is. something about forgiveness and the toxic in our body~ and other things. ah~ too bad I can't remember exactly what it is, but basically it's telling us that if we don't forgive, it's hard to heal. Throughout that week, my family came to KL!! :D when I first saw ah po, I was actually quite.. 0.0 what happened to her teeth? and she's aged.. :( haiz.. I couldn't imagine...:( but oh well, everything was good after a while. SO! our trip to SINGAPORE!! or more like auniversalstudiotrip! Oh yes, being one of the cowards, I went with a bunch of cowards, but it was great company~ we enjoyed the photo takings and craziness~

Universal studios!

Ah po is trying to run away. LOLZ!!!

After that we went to JB~ wow, honestly, I can feel a very heavy bondage over that place. No wonder ah po say: even the air is diff. LOLZ!!! from sg to JB. But the warmth of the people's there. But really, it's like two opposite worlds. It's eye-opening. One of the highlights of the JB trip was the two little girls. I was just online-ing I suppose that day, then they came, and start talking and telling about their family backgrounds. It's amazing that how, these two "little adults" are telling their family stories. and when we tot that children know ntg. But they do. And there's an impact. These two girls are indeed really bright girls. So we started playing, jumping around talking, (well, I think they did most of the talking, hahaz!!) but it's really entertaining and heart warming to hear them talk about their dreams, they performed their compositions, danced, laughed, angry-ed HAHAHAZ! they are just so adorable. And they even say that they wanna come to Penang during chinese new year. I wonder will they still rmb me when we meet again, but more importantly, despite of their family background, I hope that they grow healthily and lovingly. I hope that one day, they will tell me their stories about their encounter with God. Ah~ this makes me miss them now. So after the JB trip, we went back to KL.. and woops, had a miscommunication with jie. :( was really stress and stuff. I duno ever since I came bac from JB, it's like.. it has been really.. heavy.. but yea.. So had a sad time, but still okay, because of that, gt to talk to mei a bit more. I really enjoyed mei's company. AH~ I miss mei now~ LOLZ!! but mei is such a mature girl. I will never forget that incident. Where we fall asleep, but yet, I gt the blanket and she din even took it from me the whole night.. 0.0 it's so cold! her hand was freezing.. ah~ that mei.. Children from broken families.. I hope more love can be tranfered and conveyed to them~ I really pray that mei, kai and ton, can grow up in love, grow up with a security that they know that God loves them. Mei, I hope that she can live in security that she don't have to worry that she's not meeting up to the standards of others and don't have to worry that she's not being perfect. I pray that she can enjoy more of her life, and to enjoy herself, knowing that she's a gift by herself. I pray that she will open up to more people and most importantly to find her true identity, so that she can live a joyful and purposeful life. To Kai, the same goes to him, but I pray, that he knows that he's an awesome kid, as much as he's not being attended to, his heart and kindness, behind his seemingly mischievious behaviour is what defines him even more. I pray that he knows that he is deeply loved and he is not an accident in this world. I pray for protection over this boy and that he can grow up in security and to use his gift, he is a leader. to use his gift for the glory of God. I pray for ah ton, that he can be himself, there's lots of hurts and lots of healing needed to be done in his life, I pray that he will know who he is and know that he is healed and can be healed, know that he can live in security and love. I pray for this family that God's protection and favour be upon them.

And so, after that, I returned to Penang with firefly! LOLZ!! Christmas party! :P finally got to meet junnie!! :D and met another pretty girl, yi ying~ :D

Christmas party at Jun's place

Christmas dinner~ ECF :)

Am really blessed by this christmas party that was organized by Jun. It was all about thanksgiving. It showed me the importance to honour and cherish the people around you. We need to let people know that they are important to us instead of keeping in our hearts. "unexpressed gratitude is ingratitude" and so she shared this quote that night. It's just a very warm night. with laughter, fun, relaxing atmosphere. :) After Christmas, I guess.. it's time for the next Singapore trip. LOLZ!! Oo!! and before that, something amazing happened! my mom went to church on new years eve!~ and honestly, am glad that she's really open about it. :))

before going to Singapore, I read this book, called Living as a Christian by A.W. Tozer. and it was amazing.. 0.0 my gosh~ the hurts from the past was just wiped away, and as Elaine said, I think it's really a breakthrough for me, especially in the area of relationships. Was carrying a lot of bitterness and hurts but I finally understood what it meant by only God can heal. it's a freedom that I've never experienced, so free, so full of joy to be a Christian.

So, Singapore trip was really AWESOME. stayed with two crazy people. and LoLZ!! it was just lots of laughter, encouragement, happening~ and got to catch up with lots of people that I really wanna catch up with. ah~ the troubles and frustrations of life start kicking in their lives and we all grow up eh. All I can say is, how I wish I can transfer this joy to them. My camera died during that trip. oh wells~ and I got to see a different world, an "atas' world. LOLZ!! that I use to.. duno, dislike ,mayb? but it's good to see things through a different view. :) went on singapore flyer and it hit me that.. wow.. Malaysia's awesome. Malaysia's really blessed. Singapore is really out of their people's hard work. But Malaysia is just so rich in our resources. ah~ more about this trip is written in my journal. Go back n read it loo ye qi, if u wanna recall more about the trip. LoLZ!!! Met two cute boys in the swimming pool at fred's place. Really made me realize, how boys really look up to their father. There's a glow in the boys face when he talked about his father, how his father is the champion or state representative of this and that. Like a proud son talking about his father. lolz!!! I guess, everyone wants to be heard. :) And so, here are some photos of the singapore trip! :)

I conquered my fear of heights! only on that day. lolz!!!!

I forgot to mention about Cheryl as well, great catching up with her after so many years! actually this holiday have been a great time of catching up and sharing lives~ and going around, conquring fear, many eye opening moments~ :)

Miss hsu and both pei juns~ lolz!!

After the SG trip, Kristin and Gen came to Penang. Am really glad that they came, it was just an awesome night to get to know Kristin better in Straits Quay and a great time to get to know Gen as well~ And I get to be a tourist of Penang myself! got to go around and see the beauty of Penang with great company. :) I remember when Gen and I were in a coffeshop trying nutmeg juice, this friendly uncle talked to us and.. ah.. once again.. uncle said he has depression. to be able to tell me that, uncle must be quite desperate d. I really pray that uncle be free from that. And I pray for protection for uncle. Honestly, I really don;t know what to do when I heard about that and it's kinda saddening when u know about it but u can do ntg about it. But I think I'm glad I took psychology afterall.

Tin tin!

Gen!

DONG DONG QIANG!! CNY!!! ah~ I had the laziest CNY of my life. felt so sleepy all the time.. just sleep.. eat.. my gosh.. no energy to play with them. but am glad that we did. First cheongsam!! lolz!!! we played an old time game! hmm.. what's that called? DONKEY! then that mei.. so funny!!! LOLZ!!!! keep warning us that ice cream man is NOT DONKEY! lolz!!!! and monopoly deal. that kai is sure good at this. he's really a smart guy. :)

NING IS BACK IN THE TOWN!!.. :D Ning and Junnie are the highlight of this holiday~ created so many memories and laughter and fun! there's nasi lemak night, there's nasi lemak eating, BJ hiking, cycling with peng, there's performing our songs, there's mee sotong, there's bak kut teh, there's climbing up to kerachut!! *my fave. spot.* there's bullying wen jie, there's balik pulau, there's QB with santi they all, there's yam cha, there's going to lg, lunch, there's sunset swimming, dancing, encouraging each other, sharing our hearts, talking bout funny memories. All sorts of things. My gosh, it just takes the right people to go with that makes so much fun and not only fun, but genuinity of our friendship is there. Am really glad that they are here. and so glad to have them in my life. :)) am so gona miss them all.. all people that I've met and really enjoyed the presence of every single person, friends, family in Penang. Even though in between, I have some conflicts in the family, but still, that doesn't make me wanna leave or quit, or anything, because I remmeber telling Jun, that this kind of stress, is still ntg. I'd rather have this than the one in adelaide. lolz!!! It's a platform to grow and it made me realize, Love, is a commitment, not only to your partner, but to your family, to everyone. So, shudn't give up and really la, this is ntg too big or too serious anyway.

Ning!!! balik pulau ftw! :D

Junnie and peng! :D

Ooo! and FINALLY!!! in 2012! i manage to achieve something that I've always wanted!!!! I manage to make PAT TONG KOH!! my gosh!!! :D so happy la~

I went down to KL with hwang before clinton leave. and my gosh.. those kids are just so cute. I remmeber one of them actually said: "I know I'm naughty, I wanna change." HAHAHAHZ!! Got to visit BOLD as well, and really, it made me realize and reconsider.Whether I shud take counselling? or pursue music therapy. Hmm....

Went to my first street evangelism that night. Honestly, I was rather fearful and something unpleasant happened just right before I leave to go. But, my.. it's really just about making friends with the street people. Can see so much peace, love and joy in the people that are serving. It's just a sincerity and genuinity to wanna make friends and be friends with the street people. So much love. I remember this uncle telling me his story. He is a drug addict. if it was me last time, I wud be so scared. but after talking to him. He's just like another friendly uncle, who is terdesak by circumstances of life. He's actually such a kind and loving person. He quitted his job just because he don't wanna cause any accidents to others and don;t want to hurt others cz he knows that he's ageing and to do his job, he needs to focus. But because of quitting his job, he is jobless and moneyless. which leads him to this path. The community that I use to fear and despise, has revealed its amazing love that cannot be found in anywhere that night. They look out for each other and sincerely cared. As much as they are homeless. Having said that reflecting on the community that I'm living now. Have I sincerely cared enough and loved the people around me just as how this uncle has loved? Thank you uncle, for your love.

Sometimes, it really hit me that, we have so much, yet we want more, and more is never enough. Striving for popularity, striving for money, striving for whatever desires. we only want more.

This holiday, I've seen love. I've seen what true love is. I've seen the ugliness of what that is not love. The selfishness in me. I've seen life. I've seen joy. I've seen freedom. and I've seen bondage. Thank you God, for in this holiday. I've seen You working in lives. I've seen your love and goodness. I've seen love.

Other photos! ^^

(will prob upload them when I'm back in adelaide. :) with better internet. lolz!! prob will see them in the next post. :D)

P.S. The things that I've achieved in this holiday. as an encouragement to self.

1. Danced. remember one lesson in particular that hey, I can enjoy myself and I actually felt beautiful. I'm a creation of God and I have a beauty that God created specially in me. Thank you Lord. :)

2. Wrote songs. There's no reason for me to stop writing songs just cause I think that people won't like it. But God's standard is different. There's no reason for me not to enjoy this gift that God has given despite what others say/ comment. :)

3. Pat tong koh. Ah~ finallY~ :')

4. Practiced a piano piece. Waiting. Hey! I can do it! :D I can finish playing a whole piece! :)

5. Recorded saving all my love for you. Yes loo ye qi, u did it. :)

6. Teach children. You actually liked it don't u ;)

7. Visit old school. Am glad that u've let it go. :) and finally returned the coat. HAHAZ!!

8. St. evangelism. Am glad u took the courage to just do it. God has used these people to really convict you and show you what love is. :)

9. Kerachut. After two years ah~ finally u went back. Somemore there's so many crabs! :D

10. Finish reading two books. lolz! well, at least it's an accomplishment. and glad that u've learnt so many things. :)

11. Swimming. After so many years! :D

12. ......Will update more when remember. :).....

And.. my designed brochure

well, not this of course. lolz!!

It's this:

More Old Drawings :)

My design assignment

Salvation + Sanctification

Just cause I'm lazy to hold a pen today, I've decided to type my thoughts out. I've always wondered.. How does this work? as God promised that He will not let us go.. but yet.. we are walking in darkness and not walking in the light when we sinned.. we are not in fellowship with God.. but yet, we are saved? Wuh~ this whole "am I saved" question have got me confused for a while.

1Tim 1:19 says: Cling to your faith in Christ, and keep your conscience clear, for some people have deliberately violated their consciences; as a result, their faith has been shipwrecked.

It got me thinking. as the bible says, Romans 10:9 "That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." So in a way, we are saved when we believe in the truth of who Jesus is and of what Jesus has done on the cross for us. The trick question is.. if we stray away.. and disobey God, are we still saved?

I guess the answer is in 1Tim. God looks at the heart. Faith is a very important component in our Christian walk. We are all imperfect beings and God knows that, we can't pay the debt we owe Him and that's why He sacrificed His Son for us. So, why as Christians, when we know that we are not saved by works, strive to "work" for salvation after we've accepted Christ? But yet, James says: Faith without deeds are dead. :X Wooooo~

Back to 1 Tim. I guess He explained very clearly here. As we deliberately violated our conscience, and continuosly walk in a different path than the path that God wants us to walk, our faith will be in serious danger. It's a matter of the heart after all. And what we do reflects our heart. Do we still value Jesus as our Lord and Saviour? Do we still acknowledge God's sovereignty? If we continuously and deliberately violate our conscience and disobey our Father.

It is not what we "do", or whatever sin that is big enough to cause us to lose our salvation. But it is more of whether we still acknowledge and still have Christ as our Lord in our heart.s A reflection of our hearts I would say. Therefore, condemnation is not something that God ones, because condemnation and guilt and shame is saying that "hey, I've done something so so so so so wrong that this is unforgivable." God has already mentioned that he has forgiven our sins and we are forgiven as long as we have Christ in our hearts and are willing to change. We know who rule in our lives.

Condemnation is putting our works before God's grace and mercy.

This world is not revolved around us. It is God.

Ephesians 1: 2 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.

Google

love today's google's picture~~ :P

Faith, is the key to the invisible and real world.

It has been quite some time since I last posted some stuff here. I wanna recommend this book. that base its teaching on first peter. Honestly, even since the journey of seeking the truth begins, theories, ideas, philosophies, have really clustered and strangled my mind~ lolz! however, all these was tied onto the knot of my intellectual pride. This book paints out who christians are, according to what the apostle peter says and ohkay, it blew my mind away. How can something so simple.. be so rich, fulfilling and beautiful.. Just reading this, God, Christ, sin, us. it connects deep down into our being, into the mystery of this life, and the life ahead, into the seen and unseen.. and to many more.. love, faith, things that we were so familiar yet so far away from, seems so amazingly and outrageously outlined, not because of the words used, but because of the truth portrayed. Truth, so simple, yet so rich. ntg complicated, but everything clean. Indescribable because it's too mesmerizing, too powerful. WOW! is the word. lolz! am amazed.. goosebumps everywhere~ 0.0 lolz!

May this be our prayer:

"Dare to contend without being contentious. Dare to preserve truth without hurting people. Dare to love and be charitable and meantime, there is rest and comfort for the weary one who lays his head upon his breast.

Let us by the grace of God, with charity for all and hatred for none, but determination to be loyal to truth if it kills us, put our chin a little higher and our knees a little lower, and let's look a little further into the throne of God, for Jesus Christ sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty. And let us be courageous, attentive, severe but kind. Let us pray in the Holy Ghost, keep ourselves in the love of God, build ourselves up in the most holy faith and win all we can until the day of the glory and the song. Amen." -- A.W. Tozer.