Reflection on this week

Sitting in the midst of no where
playing jazz
surrounded by dancing notes
Reflecting on what has happened this week

Monday,
was a day I started to become
a total lack of motivation
a mental block of my own
a holding back
against myself.
and..
the topic of loneliness bugs me through

Tuesday,
Another day that is full of question
searching and searching
but I forgot to look into the esence of all
And though it sounds strange,
I am proud that I did not skip work
I stayed on,
That is a small step of growth,
which then leads me to

Wednesday,
I remembered having said to myself
哪怕全世界只有一个人懂你，你都要珍惜。
I called that someone
who looks into the same sky
and that I knw will always be there for me
and still, searching for answers,
burdened by questions,
I finished a book -- the road less travelled
that took my half a year to finish
but here I am
travelling to

Thursday,
along this spiritual journey
seeking forguidance
and felt helpless and lost
desperate to find someone to talk to

but once again, I was left alone
alone in the darkness
alone in the midst of nowhere
if only someone would ask me
are you ohkay?

Suddenly,
There's a voice that says,
don't worry,
an angel will be sent down to protect u
I have ntg left to say
but cry
Tears, both sad and happy
which symbolizes the serenity of life
have no where to go
but roll down my cheeks

And thus,
an answered was given,
on the topic that I dwelt on
Yes, this is life
A life that constantly gives u grace
to open up your eyes and
to enlighten your soul

I now understand that this is a topic that
I've been given to learn
waiting for my breakthrough
and essential for my growth
to learn to be confident
to learn to be strong
and to learn to continuously seek god's grace

Only by seeking him
things shall fall in place,
and only be seeking him
I shall be who I am
and my questions shall be answered

Thank god
even though I was lost this week
little angels were sent to brighten up my day
and when I was blindly folded
T W N J X S P P T
and random people that jz walk pass my life
who lifted me up when I'm in the dark

And the next second,
just right after these thoughts came to me
A verse was msged
"Come to me all you who are
weary and burdened and I
will give you rest." Matt 11:28
And yes, seek no one but god's grace

Here comes the song
of Rascal Flatts
"oh you find god's grace in every mistake
hope you give more than you take"

It's a lesson of seeking god
and a lesson of not wanting more but to give more


God ended my day with a wonderful rainbow
filled with beauty
filled with peace
what a wonderful world, what a beautiful day..

God's Promise! =D

A reflection on Loneliness

Yeap, just as the topic says. Loneliness. I think this is the first time I'm ever admitting this. And as far as I hate to admit this, I think loneliness lies within me. Or mayb fear of loneliness? Why out of a sudden? Cause I had a very sad nightmare last night. A nightmare that is enough to make me burst into tears. Not trying to whine here, but I suppose, I must face this somehow. I prayed to know the reason for many things that was happening to me, which I don't really know why. Sometimes you just do things unconsciously, without knowing it, and on the next second, u realize u just did it. And there are things that you know you shudn't do, or pointless for you to do it, you'll do it unconsciously. And this is my breakthrough I guess, to know the answer. =:')

It's just this sudden outburst, that you are aware of something. Though the dream does not feel good (at all), but somehow, it feels good to know , at least good to know why. In the end, I can't deny that I'm a human. Every time when someone says that they are lonely and need a b/g friend etc., or they are bored, ..... , I would raise my eyebrow and go.. =:S hmm... come on~ people, there are so many things in this world that u need to do, and come on people, look at the people who cared about u, who is surrounding you. I guess, the reason that I oppressed so strongly, is because nevertheless, I'm one of them. Feeling lonely. Feeling insecure.

Having to admit I'm lonely is a big step for me. Maybe I should take the initiative to get to know people and get to bond with people. But somehow, I'm just being shy I guess? I don't feel confident enough to take the first step or mayb I would take the first step and back off later 0.0 and I'm so so afraid of rejection, how people view me and all. Especially, one of the scariest thing happened to me again over here. One of my good friend just.. gone.. again.. (Hmm.. writing this down actually helps to think more. =:) )
Though I'm saying all these, (Not to say I don't love you and din feel your love! HAHAHZ!) I still felt really grateful to have all the people who loved and cared about me in this world. My family, Kee, Asses, HELP-ians (u know who u are. HAHAZ!), my teachers and many more. Who passed by my life, who walked with me, who lift me up when I fall, mayb just for that one moment, mayb for many times, those who are not tired of listening to my problems even for years and even when it is repetitive, to those who just sincerely cared and loved me. =')

Yeap, I suppose, this is an area in my life that I need to work on. A serious problem I guess. A root to many many other unanswered question. Thank god for revealing the answer to me. =:)

Voice of Guitar

Yeap! I'm a Music Student! HAHAHAHZ! can't believe that word actually appears on me! It's totally like a dream come true~ =:) totally thank god for that! =:D am really grateful and thrilled and awh.. it just feels so great~ though assignments are piling up, and am goin to be awesomely stressed out, but Yeap! I still feel awesome! I'll just do my best and leave the rest to God.
Hmm.. It's been such a wonderful journey, to actually go through.. day by day and trace by trace, but without any notice, and that you have reach a place where you once dream of. =)

I'm currently working on my assignment and once again, the question of purpose in life came knockin on my head. I believe there is a reason that I was arranged to study psychology and music tech, I believe there is a reason why I'd chosen music therapy among all the other stuff that I can find even though I din noe much about it at that time, I believe that no matter what, it will lead me to a place where I was meant to be. I just felt really grateful for that.

Though I will be lost again and still having fear from time to time, I believe things will just be on the right track in the end as long as I have faith. Today, my friend shared with me that faith is not something that u believe blindly, but faith is constructed by evidence. I reckon it's not physical evidence, but real evidence that not only rely on your physical senses but maybe experience? Something that happened in your life that you just have to pay attention to. Just like trust is based on certain foundation. U can't just simply trust or believe something.

This song, is another incomplete first draft, but once again, I wanna post it up here, just in case I become slackish again. HAHAZ!
This song, was inspired by a friend, whom I just wanna comfort and do nothing much, but tell her that everything's gona be alright.

It just happens to me that my assignment requires us to think philosophically about the music that we are making, (and that's wht I really love about wuh! HAHAZ! though.. I HOPE!! it will come out just right! ><>< >
I have so much to learn and improve, and once again! I really REALLY hope I'm not saying for the sake of saying! >< Hopefully I can brush up my skills and really.. contribute whteva I can to this world. Of course, not to forget in improving myself and all..

Hopefully I will come up with a nicer and complete-er version of this version of song soon.
*skills are awful, hopefully can do stg about it! 0.0

To this friend:

Hey darling,
Don't worry,
Everything will be fine

Feel the breeze
Go on ease
And let the peace reside

You'll be fine
I'm sure you'll be fine
Just close your eyes
And you'll be fine

Let the spirit
Be with you
As He is always
There with you

To cast away your fears
To wipe off your tears
Do not fear
As He will hear

Hey darling,
Once again just close your eyes
and let the spirit flow
You are not alone
As He is always here
Love is always here
with you...




oh BTW! that place is my uni! =P

=peace=

Fear

I just realize today, that I have a fear for commitment, but.. somehow I'm constantly seeking and longing for it. But I have the fear. Why? hmm... commitment not int the sense of relationships only, but more than that. Hmm.... why?

Music Concrete

(Quote: Stockhausen on the 9/11 attack)
'What has happened is - now you all have to turn your brains around - the greatest work of art there has ever been. That minds could achieve something in one act, which we in music cannot even dream of, that people rehearse like crazy for ten years, totally fanatically for one concert, and then die. This is the greatest possible work of art in the entire cosmos. Imagine what happened there. There are people who are so concentrated on one performance, and then 5000 people are chased into the Afterlife, in one moment. This I could not do. Compared to this, we are nothing as composers... Imagine this, that I could create a work of art now and you all were not only surprised, but you would fall down immediately, you would be dead and you would be reborn, because it is simply too insane. Some artists also try to cross the boundaries of what could ever be possible or imagined, to wake us up, to open another world for us.'
Karlheinz Stockhausen, Hamburg, September 2001.

first experience

Just like a new born baby~ just wanan record down my first ever australia experience here. =;)

Ever since I came here, I did not learn much about australian culture and did not really go and check up on what;s goin on, and how different is this country etc.
Therefore I'm not really that hardworking to go and interact and learn stuff about the culture,
in fact, I became so much quieter than I was before.

However, I'm so blessed that I've met (basically if without my housemate I don';t think I would be able to experience) , a friend, a very nice friend, invited us to her house for dinner, and it was a great experience and awesome dinner. Despite us not having ANZAC biscuits before, she actually made those biscuits for us jz for us to taste it because she says it's a traditional australia culture when she can;t even eat it, that's so sweet... =:) She introduced us to this movie called "the Castle" and though our laughing point differs, I still feel there's this common thing in this film that relates to all.. which is the warmth of the family. =:)

But today, the most amazing part of all, of course, for her being so kind and nice to invite us to dinner and experience a truly australia culture is already a bIG thinG!
Tonight, I just felt so awesome to be able to see the stars again.. a sky that is full of stars..
It was just so awesome, reminds me of pantai kerachut and moreover, I saw a shooting star..
=:) first time ever in Adelaide.... just felt like laying on the grass and think about nothing but just, looking into the stars.. what a life.. =:)

Till now, though I;m already halfway through my dream, I still can;t forget.. how awesome.. the nature is.. and how they gave me strength and a sense of.. unexplainable feeling.. =:) a sense of happiness I suppose?

Am so blessed tonight.. and tonight I was somewhat reminded of a friend of mine, who's staying in a similarly nice place like this and who was once a close friend of mine.
Though there are misunderstandings which somewhat cuts through our friendship, and to be honest, was rather hurt by that, but I'm sure everything happens for a reason, and that the misunderstandings are gone, the main thing I wanna say here is, I just wish that friend of mine is as blessed as I am now, that's all I wish for. =;)

good night..
=peace=

Paper Assignment!!

and...........
Finally!! 0.0 been wanting to post this assignment up for quite some time, HAHAZ!
Ignatius Saw, if u saw this, yeap, this is basically what I'm suppose to let u see~ HAHAHZ!!



Basically, the source of the sound is from a piece of paper, I crushed it, tear it, blow it, pop it.. whteva it, to get the samples.. ohkay, this is an assignment, might not sound great, but..
HAHAHZ! my very first music assignment! am excited about it actually. =;D
and woops! HAHHAHZ! the face of the video.. HAHAHZ!! that's some software thingy from somewhere, trying to imitate my look, intro by a hostel mate here and....
I jz randomly put it there, because I wanan make the audio into a video, u've got to have some image or else they won;t let me put in the audio, that's why~ WOOPS! HAHAHAHZ!!

so hell yea, this is finally up! =:)

Stairs

I don't wanna give myself any excuses anymore, an incomplete yet completed piece is what I'm goin to post here. HAHAZ!

This song, is just made up by a few notes, actually that day was jz joking with Xiao Joon and I thought of doing an A7 song~ well eventually, I just try out and see how it goes~ and I came out with this! hAHAHZ! but after that only I realize it's not A7, but... WOOPS! I forgot.. 0.0 but there are basically just four notes? used in this song.

This song came with a picture of a little boy, who found this door, a door of stairs and was excited and curious yet a little fearful at first, he decided to climb the stairs and see where it goes.
As he goes on..
He finds it so exciting at first that he continues to climb and climb and climb and
imagining all sorts of wonderful things at the end of the stairs, he is so motivated that he continues to climb and climb..

but after a while, he begin to get tired, yet still having hopes that the end is comin soon..

Climb and climb..
he trips and fall, but he doesn;t mind..

but now..
He started doubting whether is there an end.. and whether there is an end..
He started realizing that he is lost now..
lost in nowhere..
no one..
nothing..
why is he here at the first place?
Where is this?

he stopped

he took smaller steps and smaller steps

and started to think what is this all about?

.......

looking at the two endless road..
he started to take a baby step afterall..
he realizes.. this is not a dream..
and even a dream can be real..
he might not know what is the end, and what will come..
but he continues walking
he continues took smaller steps than ever, but stronger steps
firm steps, he tripped, but he gets up faster than ever..
he walked and walked..

there's no ending..
but there;s a picture that we can see from far, is a door that is waiting for him.

I guess this is life
This song, I suppose is a reminder for myself
that, just continue walking
just like today, I might be slackish
and lost again..
but just continue working and doing
u'll never get wrong
just do it *nike* HAHAHZ!

yeap, just do it. =;)

u'll never know what happens next, but just, do it. =;)


p.s. not in a misleading way that u do bad stuff. HAHAHZ! but just, every step u take, might lead you to your dream, I don't know, but I hope so. =;)

=;)

just drew this during the hols. =:)

double standard? double.. stg.. I can't remember the name of my drawing, but I can remember that kev inspired me with the name of this piece. =;)

I'm an escpaist! =;)

I've been sleeping
sleeping in this world,
that I no longer know whether it's real or not
mayb I'm not a practical person
HAHAHZ!

Everything that I see seems so unreal now
I don't know why
and I don't know since when it started
it seems to me that it's just pixels
pixels that behind it, is just nothing
another picture, another photograph

Recently I have an idea that why I just love drawing and songs
well, might be just another explanation
arts.. a formless thing.. maybe it is formless till the sense that it makes us see the truth
=;)

Walking down the streets everyday,
drinking with friends,
chatting,
studying..
cleaning
cooking
somehow,
I only feel alive in my dreams and when I listen to some good music
The only thing I can recall from all the days I've been in adelaide
are the trees and the wonderful feeling trees gave me

It's just, phenomenal
trees..
I really think that you need to be really wise in order to be a tree
weird huh? HAHAZ! but yea.. that's what I thought
=:)

I wanted to post and write lot's of stuff up here, but.. at the moment I'm just being a bit messy
HAHAZ!
this video, I've always wanted to post up, but.. I just duno how to post~ HAHAZ!

This very fine day, I drove to botanical garden
and I just enjoy the boulevard that I drove through when going to gurney
love it, really love it. =:)

Such a relaxing day, ntg else, just trees and me, and my pencil with my paper.. that's all
that's just as simple. =;)