A reflection on Loneliness

Yeap, just as the topic says. Loneliness. I think this is the first time I'm ever admitting this. And as far as I hate to admit this, I think loneliness lies within me. Or mayb fear of loneliness? Why out of a sudden? Cause I had a very sad nightmare last night. A nightmare that is enough to make me burst into tears. Not trying to whine here, but I suppose, I must face this somehow. I prayed to know the reason for many things that was happening to me, which I don't really know why. Sometimes you just do things unconsciously, without knowing it, and on the next second, u realize u just did it. And there are things that you know you shudn't do, or pointless for you to do it, you'll do it unconsciously. And this is my breakthrough I guess, to know the answer. =:')

It's just this sudden outburst, that you are aware of something. Though the dream does not feel good (at all), but somehow, it feels good to know , at least good to know why. In the end, I can't deny that I'm a human. Every time when someone says that they are lonely and need a b/g friend etc., or they are bored, ..... , I would raise my eyebrow and go.. =:S hmm... come on~ people, there are so many things in this world that u need to do, and come on people, look at the people who cared about u, who is surrounding you. I guess, the reason that I oppressed so strongly, is because nevertheless, I'm one of them. Feeling lonely. Feeling insecure.

Having to admit I'm lonely is a big step for me. Maybe I should take the initiative to get to know people and get to bond with people. But somehow, I'm just being shy I guess? I don't feel confident enough to take the first step or mayb I would take the first step and back off later 0.0 and I'm so so afraid of rejection, how people view me and all. Especially, one of the scariest thing happened to me again over here. One of my good friend just.. gone.. again.. (Hmm.. writing this down actually helps to think more. =:) )
Though I'm saying all these, (Not to say I don't love you and din feel your love! HAHAHZ!) I still felt really grateful to have all the people who loved and cared about me in this world. My family, Kee, Asses, HELP-ians (u know who u are. HAHAZ!), my teachers and many more. Who passed by my life, who walked with me, who lift me up when I fall, mayb just for that one moment, mayb for many times, those who are not tired of listening to my problems even for years and even when it is repetitive, to those who just sincerely cared and loved me. =')

Yeap, I suppose, this is an area in my life that I need to work on. A serious problem I guess. A root to many many other unanswered question. Thank god for revealing the answer to me. =:)