It was heartbreaking.. the session yesterday afternoon.. This meet up with this lady.. Firstly, i felt that I wasnt being understood, often felt that she focused on things that are not my focus and reason to see her.. I felt that she didnt really "listen' to what I have to say.. but jump into conclusions whenever possible.. I felt misunderstood, judge, hurt and brought up unnecessary emotions that is just unresolved and left hanging over there.. I was really upset.. I went up to her for help.. but it pushed me further away from what I want to improve.. it only confirms my negative experience as she adds on to it. I am really upset with that.. Furthermore, I am being labeled as .. "coming from the world".. and so being "worldly".. yea.. true.. I am from the world.. I never expect to felt so condemned.. and when I started crying.. she said, have I talked about things you refuse to talk about.. was she listening? was she taking the time to know me? all I felt was I should be doing this and that.. its a struggle isnt it.. when all these things are not helping.. It really made me want to leave the church.. just leave.. I am tired.. Nonetheless, I know Christ died on the cross for my sins, and He loves me deeply.. He hears my cry and full of mercy and grace.. This experience i guess, makes me want to make that change, that change at least for the church? Thats why i must stay.. Be the change and not be passive about it.. I hope when i start my career next time, I would always remember this experience, and to remind myself not to let anyone feel judged and condemned.. because that's the worst violation of trust you can ever do to someone.. and i was there..
Matthew 9:13 But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."
God is love. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment